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  • Writer's pictureSean Hoggard

It's HARD Being A Man- Fatherhood

My Story

Being a father is a hard job, but it is rewarding. As a first-time father of a daughter, I see firsthand what it takes to raise a child. I have always said I wanted to have children. I am still in shock because it feels as time moved fast. I have a lot of work to do. I have to stand by her side every step of the way so that she becomes the best woman she can be. To let her know that she has a father that will always protect her. A father that will always be there whenever she needs it. Not having a good example of a father in my life growing up, I am left with the responsibility to learn "on the fly" about all it takes to be a father.

Although I had my grandfather in my life, our relationship was shaky. He cared a lot about his self. From a child's perspective, growing up, there was no opportunity for growth. He always had to be right and was talking down to me. He did the best that he could, and I love him for that because he played a critical factor in the man I am today. My biological father died before I was born. Not having a father in my life has fueled me to be there and do whatever it takes to be there for my daughter.

I struggle from time to time with my self-confidence. Thus, this is the reason I do not want my daughter to grow up without any confidence because the world would eat her alive. She needs to be confident in school, dealing with disappointments and setbacks. I have to dig deep and find the root of my low self-confidence and continue to heal. I have a responsibility to lead by example. I have to exert courage and confidence so that she mirrors that and takes that into the world. I have a responsibility to show her how a man treats a woman. I have a responsibility to show her what to expect from boys and men in the world. I have a responsibility to prepare her for things when it is time, such as school, saving money, going into the work field, dealing with people, and more.

Break The Chain

Too many men have a similar issue of not having a quality father figure to look up to. To show them the ropes and understand what it takes to be a father. To all men in similar situations, you are not alone. We must motivate one another and help each other in need. Not having a good father figure growing up, there was no blueprint to fatherhood. There was no one to look up to see what it entails being a father.

Fatherhood exposes your strengths and weaknesses. Men, especially black men, get a bad reputation of not being there for their children. The main reason behind this is men lose confidence since they had terrible examples of fathers. These same men did not have the best relationship with their own fathers. As a result of that, they got hurt, grew up, and never received the proper healing. Please get healing. Do not take your frustrations from your childhood to your child.

The decision to leave your child(ren) is a huge mistake. Your child(ren) need us. They did not ask to be here. They are our future. I hate it when grown adults say, "they do not like this new generation of children," but they are the adults that raised them. Men, do not take your frustrations out on your children. They are an example of you. Men, you may divorce your wives, but there is no way to divorce your children. Side note, even if you divorce your wife or break up with your child's mother, she is in your life forever.

Call to Action

When you think about it, your parents or someone who you love did the same things for you. It is time to give that same attention to your seed. Men trust yourselves, you can be a great father. Use your hurt and pain as motivation. If you did not have a father figure in your life or had a rocky relationship with your father, take this time to do better. Give your child all things you never received and/or wanted growing up. Allow them to be great. Break the generational curses!

There is no such thing as a perfect father. We are human, so we make mistakes. The important thing is to be present in your child's life. Your child does not care if you do not know everything, as long as you are there. Presence is the key. It lets your child knows that they can depend on you.

Men, when your child succeeds, you succeed. That means your job is complete. Mission accomplished. Men, it is not hard to raise a child; it just takes a lot of work. Don't fall into the stereotypes. Men, we don't have to let our circumstances make us. I believe in you!

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